behind the trigger

I am the voice that is never heard
speaking to a crowd that refuses to listen
dismissing my thoughts as random ramblings
ignoring my cries for help until I scream with bullets
I am the voice behind the trigger
ignored until I pull it
forcing the world to listen
but they don’t hear me
refuse to hear me
it seems I’ll never be heard
since my words are ignored when I speak
I make the bullets scream
and the sirens yell
mothers wail
still, I am not heard
the screams are too loud
the wailing draws a crowd
drowning out my voice
why won’t anyone listen?

don’t you see me?
look at me
covered in pain,
anger and frustration
just give me a little attention
a little hope
some small sign that my existence
is not in vain
look at me
the outcome of all
that you have/haven’t done
a reflection of your actions/inaction
can you see yourself
in my eyes?
hear your voice when I speak?
it is your blood
coursing through my veins
boiling as I reach my peak
cold steel in hand
shaking
impatiently clinching
eyes shut
as the bullet explodes
seeking a target
screaming
demanding attention
no longer asking
I’m done masking my feelings
this is my moment of healing
stray bullets revealing
what you refuse to accept;
I’ve lost my way

nothing lasts forever

maybe I was wishing for a fairytale or I’m just a hopeless romantic

but through it all I thought somehow we managed to become friends

so deep inside I came to believe we would never end

but the old folks always told me to never say never

because nothing’s ever promised tomorrow today

and nothing lasts forever

so I try to be honest

I was always honest with him

just maybe not to myself

spent too much time waiting for the feelings we once felt

waiting for the spark to return to a fire

that stopped burning long ago

I kept holding on to yesterday and praying for a different tomorrow

even though I know nothing’s ever promised tomorrow today

and nothing lasts forever

and it hurts to even speak these words

because I can’t help but wonder why

my prayers were never heard

wonder why my love wasn’t returned

or wasn’t strong enough for both of us

but I know he loved me

I know he loves me

but there’s a difference between loving someone

and being in love with someone

and nothing lasts forever but be honest

yeah it hurts

but it’s the only way

building

falling
constantly falling
in and out of love
tired of the
ups and downs
the butterflies
before the climb
and during the drop
want to build
something real
something strong
something that will last

jumbled

i suppose i could
if i tried
i suppose i would
if i thought you
would notice
maybe if i could
stay focused long enough
i could clearly express or
at least say enough to
help you sort of
understand
all of the things
that get jumbled together
when i fumble the words
that perfectly express
the way i feel about you
but it seems that
my best attempts
only leave me feeling like
i could do better
so i hope i show you
better than i tell you that
my heart is yours
and my smile
laugh and
love
say more than
my pen will ever
allow me to write...

dreams

i had a dream i sat next to you on a flower petal
and fed you bite size pieces of sunshine
we drank handfuls of happines
then had a picnic on the moon
the stars played a beautiful tune
while we kissed for hours
and my heart beat the perfect melody
each time i heard you say, i love you
and your heart beat a perfect melody
each time you heard me say, i love you
yeah...just like that

this is not an apology

this is not an apology
i'm just sharing

at times i am intense
my love can be overwhelming
if you're intentions are not pure

my love flirts with you
brushes up against your thoughts
winks at your curiosity

but, this is not an apology
i'm just saying

the love i give wraps it's arms around you
clenches it's thighs around your waist
and calls your name in a low voice only you can hear

emotion saturates my kiss
the truth is the only thing that passes across my lips
and i have a sick sense of what your idea of pleasure is

but, this is not an apology
i'm just letting you know

that the love i give can seem alarming
if you're used to love with conditions
because my love proves, that love, is non-existent

my love is...
all that you've ever wanted
and all that you'll ever need

but, this is not an apology
i'm just telling you
what makes my love so special

untitled

at this point
there's not much
that i can say
without saying
what i've been trying to say
since the beginning
in an around about
kind of way
yes, i'm talking in circles
why wouldn't i
when my thoughts
always seem to come back to you
if i get another chance
maybe i will have the nerve
to do what i've been wanting to do
since the beginning
maybe i will ask you to dance
and maybe you will say yes
then i will know
the feeling of
being in your embrace
maybe i will feel
the rhythm of your heart
as you feel
the rhythm of mine
i feel i've said too much
and not enough
at the same time
could be
i see myself in you
or see the things i try to hide
that you must be trying to hide
but can't hide from me
because i know
exactly what to look for
at this point
i have no idea what i'm saying
however
i do have a request
if you are ever
in the mood to grant a wish
just hold me in your arms
until the song ends